No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
