Cold hands, warm shart.
Your tits are I can't wait for
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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