I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
