He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
