When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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