The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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