Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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