dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
