So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
