if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
a search helicopter?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
