im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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