I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
