I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
