we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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