2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did I show you my penis last night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
