i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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