i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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