I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
