Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
