sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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