Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
