I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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