He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
