whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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