I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
