when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
