Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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