At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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