I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
