I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
