I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
