You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
