Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
tell me about the fingering
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