It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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