The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
