none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just puked most of my soul out..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
