So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
