I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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