Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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