I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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