Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
