Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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