After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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