I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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