Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
