At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
