help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize