thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
