he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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