Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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