Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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