We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
