The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
