I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
