i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
