my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
