ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
