i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
