Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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