she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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