I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
