its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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