I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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