I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
