frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
