OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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