he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
