We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
