you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
