i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
