Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I party with great urgency now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
