Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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