the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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