Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize