Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
